Sunday, March 27, 2011

Mazes and Sums

"You have to believe that life is more than the sum of its parts, kiddo."

I watched The United States of Leland for the first time in a long time today, and if I had a strong emotional connection to the movie before, it was made all the more poignant watching it again at this point in my life. More than anything, the quote from Mrs. Calderon stuck out to my, and her words rang through my head for the rest of the day.

It seems like such a simple concept, but it's a monumental task to perform. Believing the truth in that statement may be one of the most difficult things a person could do in their lives. Try as I might,  at the notion; that all our brokenness, all the loose pieces and frayed ends that make up our lives could somehow, when put into context and seen as a whole, give the events true meaning.

Now, I am a Catholic, and I believe in God. Sure, I know a lot about my faith, but I've never really thought about the idea that everything I've been through had a purpose. All the pain I've gone through, the hardships my family has endured, the people we've lost, the mistakes I've made... The idea that somehow it could be for our betterment unnerves me to no end. I don't know what scares me more, the idea that nothing has meaning except for what we assign to it, or the idea that everything I've had to go through in my life is honestly there for some purpose that I can't see.

Maybe I just can't see it the right way, like a rat in a maze. Hopefully, I find the exit that goes to the cheese instead of the electro-shock-y things.

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