Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Everyone is a DICK.

They say, the world is at my disposal. What they seem to leave out, is that I don't have the power to control or keep track of all that will and DOES go on in this world. The world is FAR from your grasp.

I may have mentioned before, but growing up really does fucking suck. Now maybe you're in high school, and you're thinking, "Oh my my, high school is so hard and there is so much going on." Well, I will tell you it's nothing compared to what you will soon experience.

I will give you a quick overview of my life. I am 18, I have moved out of my home and now live with my amazingly beautiful girlfriend and her two-year-old son. I have a job at Papa John's, and it would seem like everything is golden. Not quite the truth. The truth is that when you become an adult, you will do what you think you have to do, what you think is the right thing, and then your heart will tell you it is wrong. Now, our hearts tell us what we need to do, to be fulfilled that is. I am happy where I am, but I could be happier. I deal with much stress each day and the fights I get into with my loved one get more and more intense each day. I don't want this, and neither does she. BUT WHY DOES IT HAPPEN??? On top of this, I have friends that I never see anymore, and every time I come around I never seem to have enough time to get to see all of them, and I have a friend in particular that I needed to call... but so far I haven't called him back. I feel like a bastard every time I breathe. My music is no longer differing from the other shit that I write. THIS IS BEING AN ADULT??? All of my friends are lying to me about the people that they are having sex with and the love that they are having, as if I gave two shits (SPOILER ALERT: I don't give a shit. I'm only upset because they lied to me). My life may seem like shit, and that's only the half of it. But I'm not gonna sit here and tell you about my problems. I just need to get the point across that growing up is the worst thing that can happen to you. It DESTROYS you as a person, and turns you from a human being into something mechanical and not living. Every day I think about all the shit I have on my agenda, and the days when I have to work, and I actually wonder whether or not I'm going to have sex that night.

After seven months of dating, things don't stay the way they were, and as you get to know someone, you see how much they let you down. It's a sad, sad fact. And there is something I want to say to my friend that I haven't called because I was too ashamed... I love you friend, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to be disappointed in me for my actions, for they are just the poor exertions of my soul. My body cries out for freedom, yet I will never receive it. I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.

Let's say for a second that I did what was right. I left my girlfriend... and I lived alone in solitude where I want to be. Would I finally be happy?


I would get what I truly wanted from life, but lose what I had that was so good. WOMEN are a curse. AND PEOPLE are a curse. LIFE itself is a curse.

Yes, it's horrible, and yes, I seem like a troubled person, but at least I can admit the pains of my life. I'm going to call that person which has been expecting my call for so long, and GOD DAMMIT, I will talk to him, and show him that I am not a bastard, just ashamed. Ashamed of the life I am living.

And so we will blog on... into the night, and for awhile feel like we are free of our problems. When really we're just preaching to a choir... a choir of socialpathic liars and cheaters just like us... looking for answers just like us. I say that I am a wise man to some extent. But I am not that wise. I try to follow these two easy guidelines:

1. Don't lie.

2. Don't be a piece of shit.

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