"Recursion Error"

[Verse]
Of course I made the first move
That's just the only way to play
Call me over-ambitious
But I move faster with you out of the way
You left so much of yourself when you left me in the dust
So I'm  dropping this baggage
To see where it lands us now

[Chorus]
Who needs closure when I've got my composure
Nobody wants to see that anyway
Who needs a lover when she's under the covers
With somebody she won't see the next day

[Verse]
I'm not usually like this
How many times have I heard that
Carefully constructed phrases
To make you seem like you've got a bit of class
All the boys want to take you home for the the night
And I'm just a victim
Who got under your skin

[Chorus]
Who needs closure when I've got my composure
Nobody wants to see that anyway
Who needs a lover when she's under the covers
With somebody she won't see the next day

[Bridge]
Do you know what you're getting into?
Your lack of age is starting to show
They say you should never kiss and tell
But with me, they're all gonna know
We both knew the risks when we jumped off the edge
I'm anything but harmless
But I'll play it regardless

[Chorus]
Who needs closure when I've got my composure
Nobody wants to see that anyway
Who needs a lover when she's under the covers
With somebody she won't see the next day

[Chorus]
Who needs closure when I've got my composure
Nobody wants to see that anyway
Who needs a lover when she's under the covers
With somebody she won't see the next day

No Rest for the Weary

As much as laying around and doing absolutely nothing for hours on end may appeal to people, I honestly don't like sleeping all that much. Maybe it's just because I can never make myself fall asleep easily, and once I'm asleep, I can't make myself wake up easily. It's like my body always wants to be in one state or the other; the transition is one of the suckiest experiences that I have to go through on a daily basis. Twice.

I recall reading a book a long ways back (like, high school or even middle school) called Black. I don't recall the story that well, because I wasn't that enamored with it (even though a bunch of people kept telling me it was amazing and mind-blowing), but one of the mechanics of the plot stuck with me, and I really thought it was an interesting concept. Every time the main character went to sleep, he went to another world, and once fell asleep in that world, he would return to the regular world.

I really wish I could do that. I feel like so much of my time is wasted when I go to sleep, and I always wish I could be doing something more productive, like writing music or working on my story, or getting better and French and German, or playing guitar. Anything seems better than sleep to me, but I know that I need to sleep to do anything of those things proficiently. Ahhh, if only we could live in storybook worlds...

Time to Look at The Future

Man, I've been sucking at updating regularly this past week. I'd like to say it's because I've been way, way, way too busy, but I really haven't been as busy as I thought I was going to be. I blazed through two tests that I thought were going to be the death of me, and now all I've got is a German presentation about Cold War Berlin due in two weeks. Spoken in German.

But, as the title of this post implies, it's the future I'm excited for. Sure, the future's never certain, but it's the possibilities of the future that make it so interesting. Pending the recruitment of someone to be drummer, my new planned music project is coming along surprisingly smoothly. I've got plenty of my friends interested in helping out, which is exactly what I've been needing and hoping for. The Elephant Tree is coming, I can feel it. The writing process, while I can't say it has been enjoyable, has been so necessary to do. It's almost therapeutic, and with each song, I feel like I'm becoming a new man.

I'm looking forward to seeing those faces that care about me this summer. I know that as the years go on, I'm probably going to see less and less of the people I love, and that's why I want to make the most of our time now. This summer... will be the SUMMER OF AWESOME. I'm ready for it, are you?

And now, just for no reason, this:

Just A Little Something For Chuckles

Hipster Kitty, meet Puppy Scenester.

Ray=Out

Somehow we need to get together a gang of merry men and petition to get the assholes getting paid 3 starving African babies an hour to re-create Ray=Out magazine. For those of you who don't know, Ray=Out is a riff-boarder mag that exists in the anime Eureka Seven. I would love for something like that to be made possible..

But really this is just a pipe dream. I suppose I can always just look on the internet to read columns by a REAL Stoner [Editor's Note: that's the name of a character in the show], and look at pictures taken on Google images or fan websites... (Sigh.)

(Tears... Not of joy... Of complete sorrow.)

A Little Love at First Sight.

I don't think a lot of people honestly believe in "love at first sight," and I don't blame them. Most people just play it off as a little infatuation. Well, I do believe there is love at first sight, and honestly, how can you NOT look at someone and just fall into love with them? But honestly, it probably is a lot of just infatuation, but isn't that really how it starts in the first place??? Birds and bees don't get online and get paired up with the bird or bee that best fits their personalities. And I can think of many instances where I would walk up to the pretty girl at a party and strike up a conversation. Not because "mating" is on my mind or anyone else's, but I think most people thinking logically would look for the pretty girl and hope she's the one, so that you at least don't have to worry that you're in love with someone you're not even attracted to.

So now I get the construed part...

This is me: I am the kind of guy who believes in this crap, yes, but my way about it is different than most, I would say. For instance, I enjoy the feeling of falling in love with women still, even though I'm in a relationship. I know it seems ridiculous, but here is a story for you...

Okay, so I'm walking with my best friend down the streets of Pella in the middle of winter. I'm still dating my darling, but this weekend we were visiting friends. As we're walking from his old place in town to the coffee shop, I had "love at first sight." It is literally a half-block to the coffee shop, and in this time span I caught the eye of this beautiful woman I had never met before or seen before. Things like this make me really think that the world is alive in some way. But that's another subject. So, I see this beauty in the window of a parts store as I'm walking by. Now, this moment we shared was only for an instant, and that needs to be clear. I looked at her, and she was setting up a Christmas tree in the store window. She was bending the fake branches at the top which reached her breast, but even though she seems so busy, for this short moment our eyes met. It kinda felt like it was in slow motion. I waved. She smiled. And instantly I was filled with this energy and well-feeling. And I told Gage about it as we walked on, and it was over. He, of course, didn't really understand when I said I just fell in love.

I love my girlfriend with all of my heart, and I know if she were to read this she would feel a little uncomfortable, or maybe jealous. Honestly, though, what happened to me that winter was something that not only happened to me when I met her, but happens when I meet most people. It just a thing that happens. And honestly it would be impossible not to fall in love again WHILE being committed with another. What distinguishes the men from the bastards is whether or not you act on the feeling or moment. I would never. But such a feeling is wonderful. These kind of things should be encouraged to happen, but they should also be kept secretive in a way. If you're like me, and you already have someone, they might get uneasy to hear this kind of stuff. And even if you tell them it doesn't matter until they believe it doesn't, it still puts a little tension in the air. But don't feel like a piece of shit because you're keeping secrets.

So. Point in case. Falling in love is like breathing. You do it all the time, even without thinking. Whether it be in love with a man or with a woman or with a t.v. show or complete strangers. So love, and breathe, of course, or you will die.

Original Ideas: No Vacancy

College is dead.

This revelation came to me just this evening during a talk with my writing professor. We were discussing an essay I had written about how and why capitalism and the media had become the principle driving forces behind sports, and how they’ve changed sports. One of the parts of it that I loved the most was a piece about current Orlando Magic point guard Gilbert Arenas that illustrated a key point of my argument, that athletes have been so remarkably changed by money and media time.

For those who don’t know about Mr. Arenas allow me to enlighten you. He is probably the strangest man in the NBA today. He plays poker on a computer part-time. He once traded a pair of shoes for 50,000 All-Star game votes that he cast for himself over a one month time period. Arenas made a free throw ritual just so little kids would copy it. And he owns a hyperbolic tent, a contraption that simulates high altitude oxygen levels by sucking the oxygen out of the air. All of this is strange because Arenas chooses to share it in a world were NBA stars are not supposed to be strange or remotely controversial.

The reason I bring this up is that my professor had issues with me bringing it into my argument because it was subjective and thus not arguable. At the same time, I’m supposed to come up with an original argument that hasn’t been seen before. On one hand I’m forced to conform to what has already been argued, keeping in line with what has already been said while being tugged by forces that say, “NO. You have to keep it original,” by coming up with something of your own. This is a no win situation, but more importantly it’s the reason why college is dead.

No one wants you to come up with your own ideas. Yes, you’ll hear stories about how some undergrad student testified before Congress for migrant workers’ rights or something similar, but colleges really can’t take credit for it. Colleges will say that innovation by their students is one of the most important things they want to accomplish, but colleges don’t structure themselves to foster independent thinking since learning in college is so much like high school. The teacher tells you facts, you commit them to memory, you regurgitate them onto a piece of paper, you get good grades, and the school gets funding. This is a cycle of bullshit that I thought would end in college. This is not the case. The first test I ever took in my first year of college was multiple choice, the ultimate embodiment of remember-and-repeat schooling. The vast majority of learning is rigidly structured. There’s no imagination when it comes to schooling like this, no chance for the mind to grow outside of the box that your curriculum sets for you.

Should I be that surprised though? After all, colleges are institutions with bureaucracies, red tape, and everything else that comes with being a monolith of American society. College has become a process, a business that over time has become set in its ways and patterns. The only place where the truly free and independent college student exists is in the naïve fantasy of high school seniors leaving for college, fresh-faced and bright-eyed.

So yeah. College is dead.