From an Honest Soul

Music really is a wonderful thing. It can bring people together, mend hearts, change lives. It doesn't matter who you are; everyone can find music that speaks to them, evokes such emotions that nothing else could. There are some songs that I can honestly say have changed me as a person. There are so many artists and bands whose music has shaped the person I am today, yet I'll never be able to thank them for all they've done.

As much as I may have my issues with the town, I really am thankful to have been able to live in Pella. The friends I made, the thing I've learned, and all the many experiences I've gained, I could never have gotten anywhere else. Being in college, I've realized how lucky I was to have spent my high school years in a place that had an active music scene. I've tried talking to people about the towns they came from, and so many of them have said that they never used to go to concerts and see local bands, or see any local musicians.

Being able to do that created such a huge impact on me. It lit a fire in my that's been burning ever since; it created the passion for music that made me want to start making music of my own, which eventually led it's way into the creation of A Rainy Day for Jupiter (my old band). So many people talk about how they would love to start a band and play shows, or that they would love to be able to record an album. That's something that a lot of people talk about, but seldom do they ever actually follow through with it. 

I was able to do all of that before I was out of high school, and I want music to stay as much a part of my life now and in the future as it was back in those days, when my friends and I would get together in the basement every single day and work on our songs. So to all those musicians who've impacted me, both famous acts and aspiring local artists, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 

Untitled Story or Poem or Whatever (the Result of Being Really Tired)

There is a boy,
well, really he's a man.
He's mostly grown up,
but he hasn't got a real plan.
Everything in his life seems predetermined,
but not by fate or God,
but by the fabrics of society,
blanketing and blinding him.

But the boy (or man) keeps walking along,
and now it seems beauty has intervened,
and the streets are paved and gleaming,
new green is growing when others are leaving.
But despite all the new additions to his yard,
there's an empty spot in the back, near the pond.

And it doesn't feel right,
it's been gone for sometime,
the spot where something used to sit but now has not been for quite a while.

Was it ever really there?
"Yes", he swears, he's seen it before. It haunts his dreams and it's carved in his floor and everyone else thinks the garden is full.
But tragically, only he can see the decay,
the waste and the spreading of nightmares and grey.
Knowing this one thing gone is the key to all things,
the bringer of joy and freedom and open field dreams.

He walks over the grave,
so deep he can't see,
the bottom or end, transcending the earth.
And he looks out on the wasteland that others call his turf,
and they enviously glare at his supposed achievements,
without ever finding a channel to reach him,
because perception is altered from body to body,
time has changed even the modest to haughty.

The man trudges on.
He tries to look forward but suddenly looks back,
and the small boy he sees, he is taken aback,
and he falls to his knees and wants the past so bad,
but it is not for the man, only for the boy.
He knows not how he knows, but only that he does know,
and it is cement in his mind, it is certainly so.

So the man sighs deeply and marches on,
knowing not what he'll come across,
but knowing he'll find another spot to lay,
and new gardens to grow,
and new air to be breathed,
new life to be seen,
fresh surroundings.

And maybe, the man, he startles to think,
will cross the barrier that borders the brink,
of the thing he's been missing this whole time,
the oldest of old desires for all of man kind,
love, and just a little more time.

The Eulogy

More beautiful and heartbreakingly eloquent than anything I could say.

Mazes and Sums

"You have to believe that life is more than the sum of its parts, kiddo."

I watched The United States of Leland for the first time in a long time today, and if I had a strong emotional connection to the movie before, it was made all the more poignant watching it again at this point in my life. More than anything, the quote from Mrs. Calderon stuck out to my, and her words rang through my head for the rest of the day.

It seems like such a simple concept, but it's a monumental task to perform. Believing the truth in that statement may be one of the most difficult things a person could do in their lives. Try as I might,  at the notion; that all our brokenness, all the loose pieces and frayed ends that make up our lives could somehow, when put into context and seen as a whole, give the events true meaning.

Now, I am a Catholic, and I believe in God. Sure, I know a lot about my faith, but I've never really thought about the idea that everything I've been through had a purpose. All the pain I've gone through, the hardships my family has endured, the people we've lost, the mistakes I've made... The idea that somehow it could be for our betterment unnerves me to no end. I don't know what scares me more, the idea that nothing has meaning except for what we assign to it, or the idea that everything I've had to go through in my life is honestly there for some purpose that I can't see.

Maybe I just can't see it the right way, like a rat in a maze. Hopefully, I find the exit that goes to the cheese instead of the electro-shock-y things.

Sunflowers

I once visited Hungary, and the one thing that I remember the most about it was the sunflower fields. You could look to the horizon and see a literal sea of them. I miss that.

Scariest. Movie. Ever.

Seriously. Watch this movie. I'm not going to put up a full-fledged review until I see the sequel, then I can pull a double review. Until then, just... Holy balls.

Why, She's Quite... Oh My.

Richard Dawkins=Emma Watson?