Movie Review: "Dogtooth"

Sometimes, I wonder why I do this to myself. Like my initial viewing of Lars Von Trier's film Antichrist, I'm left in the wake of this movie not sure if I'm more intrigued, amazed, or disturbed by the events that have just passed before my eyes. However, there's no doubt that this is a film that I'm going to remember for a long time to come.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start you off with a small sense of what's going on before we enter into solid "What is going on?" territory. The story revolves around a small family (whose names are never stated) living in a compound where their children are essentially isolated from the rest of the world. They never venture outside the grounds, and a high fence prevents them from seeing anything beyond the borders of their home. The children (who aren't exactly children, as they look like they're in they're twenties) are taught things like the "sea" being a type of armchair and that a "zombie" is a kind of flower.

Strange, yes, but stay with me here. As a young man, the eldest son has certain... needs... that need to be sated. This brings us to our only named character, Christine. A co-worker at the factory where the father works, she is brought in from time to time to please the son. Sexually. Not wanting to go further into the story, I'll leave it at that, but simply add that sexual exploration and a lot of depravity are introduced into the story because of her.

The film, in terms of cinematography is beautifully shot. Each scene seems so realistic but, at the same time, retains an air of surreality, keeping the viewer off-kilter and ever-so unnerved about what might happen in the story. The compositions of shots are often strange, but makes the images and the movie all the more compelling.

Dogtooth is a film that raises far more questions than it has answers. For some this will be a massive point of frustration, leaving you bewildered and slightly pissed-off. But if you come in with the right frame of mind, I think you'll find a truly bizarre work of art that is thought-provoking... as well as balls-to-the-wall crazy.

I give this film an 8 out of 10. But a 10 out of 10 on the "WTF?!" scale.

I Love You Bill Watterson

Best comic ever? Best comic ever.

Dear America.

Alright, so what has become of... life as we know it. Things these days are in total chaos and no one really seems to realize what the hell is going on anyway.

Let's go back to the old days... yesterday. I had no ideas such wrong-doings were even happening!!! I was just sitting in my chair, listening to music, eating pizza, and crying. I clearly had no idea what the meaning of life was, and today I still don't, but despite all the bullshit this world has to offer, I woke up today and hugged my girlfriend and her two-year-old son and I said:

"Becky..."

"Yes?"

"I love you, and today I realized actually how much."

"Patrick, what's going on."

"Becky..."

I paused for a while before I told her the frightening news that was haunting my mind since the moment I awoke; the thought that would change how I lived from that moment on.

"What if Sephiroth comes back?"

I can tell all of you pussies now that I'm a changed man. EVERY ONE OF YOU PUSSIES CAN JOIN CLOUD IN THE "SWELLED-UP PISSY PANTS VAGINA CLUB," BUT NOT I!!! I'm gonna stay and fight that fucker.

And I'll just say this. He's coming back for sure. It took hours to defeat him in Final Fantasy 7, and one pussy-ass LIMIT BREAK isn't enough to keep that fucker down. But nice try Cloud. You made Japanese vaginas all around the world wet for 5 minutes. 'Til your nigga ass got shot! That's why, when Sephiroth comes back, I'm gonna get my Glock, and put a bullet in that fucker's face before he hurts my family. And I WILL NOT rely on Reno and Rude to get a job done (there is no way they could have survived that bomb in Advent Children. I call BULLSHIT on that). Rude still is badass though.

Good luck out there. You better be packin' heat when that muther-fucker sets foot in America. YOU. DON'T. FUCK. WITH. AMERICA.

Sincerely,

Patrick.

"Game Boy" An Original Song

So, here's one of my original songs. It's kind of about a lot of things. Growing up, being a kid, nostalgia, a girl. Essentially, it's pretty reflective, a state that I'm in right now, so I hope at least part of it speaks to you.

Sage Advice

Amen.

When You Fall in Love

   When you fall in love, does the world stop

If only for a minute, do you feel on top?

   Do the church bells toll for a wedding to come

Does your heart beat like a marching drum?

   When you fall in love, do you feel like a king

and you wanna run out and buy her a ring?

   Does every day feel like a brand new birth

Another chance to fall harder for her?

   When you fall in love, how do you feel inside

You smile when she laughs, and always hate good byes?

   Does your face lighten up at the sound of her voice

And do you wanna do everything that she enjoys?

   Because of that is love, then I have got it bad

It's all because of you, I wanna be your man.

Untitled.

I accidentally deleted everything I wrote. So now I'm just going to replace everything I wrote with a couple sentences and a video.

Women. Where the fuck did those things come from?